The truth is....

The truth is, I'm hurting so badly, but I keep telling everyone that its fine.. and it is fine, as long as I'm not alone. I spend nearly every minute at least a little bit high. I've been pushing down the pain and telling everyone that 'Its fine..' for so long that I feel numb. But I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose that numbness soon..

I don't know what's wrong with me.. Am I insane? I can feel all of the pressures of life piling up and I just smoke another bowl and put off responsibilities. I know this is bad. I know its going to get me into trouble, but whenever I'm not high, I start to feel the emptiness.

I went to counseling today, but she only tells me things that I've had figured out for a while now. Like, "Maybe, your self-confidence issues have something to do with your family.."

.. No shit.. My mother calls me fat every time I go home, my brother once told me that he didn't think mom and dad would like me if I weren't their child, even our exchange students were loved more than me. I sound like a whiney little brat, don't I? I'm just so unhappy right now.. Oh well, it will be okay.

I'm fine.

XOXO,

April